Loneliness has always plagued me. In the past, I have done whatever it takes to avoid these feelings.
I have kept busy to the point of being so hectic I don’t have a moment to think or feel. I have gathered myself under the umbrella of perfectionism; my shield, my way of control. I have coped by becoming fanatical about health, fitness and the scales.
I have numbed, disconnected, disassociated. I have used the usual vices: food, alcohol, sex, shopping, and television.
I have self-destructed in ugly ways. And I have used other people to fill the void in me. I have placed unspoken expectations on them to meet my needs, to make me feel better, to distract me, to take away the emotions within me I haven’t been willing or able to deal with, to feed my void.
Recently it rose up within me again, with its threats to devour me. Except this time, I was prepared. I didn’t run from it, or flee back to my usual coping mechanisms. I was mindful. I allowed loneliness to enter in. I sat with it, got to know it, understood it. I let it project its torrent of negative emotion on me. I listened. I was sympathetic to it, to its origin; the place it was first created in my life. I understood it. And then I sent it away.
Loneliness is part of the human experience. We cannot leave this earth without having experienced it, felt it, and suffered it. To heal, we must sit with ourselves in silence, learn to feel comfortable with oneself, only then will we be free from being hungry to fill this void. This work must be done for us to live wholehearted lives and join people in healthy relationships.
Choose to respond to your emotions, rather than reacting to them. Emotions can be very overpowering, but if you can find a way to understand what you are feeling – you can take control.