Being a mother, wife, daughter, sister, daughter in law are all some of the relationships we carry as part of us. The many facets of a woman.
In all of this I strived to be a good mum, daughter, wife but sometimes I feel that I fail however hard I try. There is always something that happens to make me feel that I didn’t try hard enough such as when my husband comes home and expects me to give him undivided attention after a hard days work but doesn’t realise what I have been doing all day which is similar to him “WORK!” and take care of the family. Or when you think you give so much of your time and attention to your kids and then realise that your teenage daughter has been self-harming and your son doesn’t want to spend time with you.
He would rather spend time watching television or play on the play station. When did things change so much when did they grow up and not need me anymore or I couldn’t help them anymore. Feeling so very powerless and alone.
I want to help my daughter so much but everything I do seems to make matters worst. I thought we used to be able to talk. My mind is jumping to all kinds of conclusions. Is she being bullied at school, has someone said something to her and upset her, is she under pressure to perform or have I done this to her? Does my son not want to spend time with me because I didn’t try to connect with him? Or am I not a good wife, I can’t even be there for my husband. I realised that my insecurities around being a good mother and a good wife were playing out and I didn’t know how to stop them from spiraling out of control.
I sat down and wrote down some of my feelings and realised that a lot of these feelings attributed to the fact of not being good enough all my life. Always striving to want to do better remembering my mothers’ voice in my head you will never do anything good in life. You are the problem!
All my life I have tried so hard with everyone and did my best but I still couldn’t help everyone and make them happy. It was somewhat always my fault.